the unbearable "light"ness of being

Just thinking about my favorite composer and his mysterious love life ... there is something so romantic about the fact that we will never know, nor has it ever been documented the gut wrenching love of Beethoven's life, there is also something devastating about it.  Love stories can be epic with the right elements, and even though historians may argue over the identity of his true immortal beloved, and cinema lovers may remember history in the fictional way it was represented in the movie, no one will ever truly know what really happened.  The tragedy in that is only really for the woman, who maybe in that time needed a veil of secrecy or modesty in order to survive in a patriarchal and oppressive time period . . .  however the love she pulled and required from Beethoven will never be hers historically, even though it was hers in their present.  But I guess I am selfish and I want to know the inner workings of their biblical romance in order to appease my own lush curiousity and stop my heart at every minute detail of such a love that he interrupted and then began composing some of the greatest masterpieces I have ever heard.  He is needless to say my favorite, and I am insanely in love with Moonlight Sonata . . . it is my immortal beloved of classical pieces, I prefer it in piano, but I'll take it in acoustic classical guitar also :)  ...

Here is an excerpt from an online article regarding my man -
"It is not clear whether the new revelations will lead to a better understanding of the relationship. There is no proof Beethoven was sexually involved with his Beloved–or anyone else for that matter. Yet she was the object of his deep desire to be married. Without her, Beethoven gave up hope for such a life. When he died of liver failure in 1827, the only trace of the Immortal Beloved was the three-part love letter he left behind, signed "Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever ours."

those three parts, those 6 words at the end sort of make my heart leap out of my chest.  really they do.  and reading something like that while listening to the my moonlight sonata would about give me an arrythmia or something . . .

does love like that exist today in a world of instant gratification, too many options, too little loyalty and not enough human connection ?  a love in which you completely consume the person you are in love with, that your work, your life, your family becomes a distant faded gray in the background of your life and all you can see or hear or smell or taste is that love, and I'm not talking about infatuation here fellas, I'm talking about real, deep, loving emotion that borderlines on insanity because that is the alternative to not being near that person or being with someone else . . . infatuation is brief, it is shallow, it is passionate, however passes quickly.  this old school love is something that those who have historically lept out through the books at us, have made it clear is eternal, immortal and can disrupt everyone's (maybe just mine) life even 4 hundred years after their death . . . that love that consumes all of us today is mostly for ourselves, our careers, and if we are lucky our children . . . I'd say the most expendable thing we have is our partners . .  I'd observe that most people would think harder about giving up their job and changing careers than getting a divorce . .  it's so easy to say, well if it doesnt work out we'll just go our separate ways, it's convenient, it's logical, it's pragmatic.  what it isn't however, is an all-consuming, immortal fire that takes away our breath, our life.  because that fire would have prevented any separation and have mended any rift.  that fire is so hidden today, it might have disappeared except in the cinema, in literature and in history . . . and if it is gone, I am now calling upon prometheus ... he is the only one to help us ...

we will be waiting, our souls cold and hungry - starved and shivering for that consumption - to ignite something so precious and infinite that 4 hundred years from now, we will leap out of the books at our ancestors and show them that we too have found the light and we pass it on to you . . .