Ha Zaa

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The Rants and Raves of a slightly neurotic, overly analytical, sometimes contradicting, and self procclaimed artist.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I'm sure people have, long before me, compared the life and death of a relationship to life and death of a soul.  After all, what is a relationship if not a soul-ful connection between two otherwise unattached people ?

The beginnings can be paralleled in their new sensitivity, how everything is striking, the fresh, cold air from months swimming a warm womb, and stomachs turning at ever caress and touch and look from solitary yearning.

Then we have our middle aged developmental process, where things become stable in life, you have a steady job, a routine, possibly a family, coming from erratic and tumultuous beginnings of adulthood in which movement is often constant and career paths aren't always clear; to relationships where you finally reach a sordid homeostasis in becoming comfortable with annoying habits, feeling safe in the person's commitment and having a shield of trust around all bad things.

Then we have our death.  Slow decomposition of organs, of everything on your body, in your body, and related to your body.  Memory loss, dementia, strokes, just overall sickness that may or may not be treated, however most of the damage at some point will have already been done and death will creep over you and take you towards the cosmos.  In relationships where trust disappears, resentments take over and every little disagreement or hurt feeling becomes toxic, which also, untreated, eventually gets to a place where there is no returning and death ultimately stomps on your lack of awareness and inability to reconnect, to claim what once was thriving and fresh.

I am transitioning slowly from step 1 to step 2.  slowly.  hopefully i will physically die in step 2 so as step 3 will never have to be overcome for my relationship.