Ha Zaa

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The Rants and Raves of a slightly neurotic, overly analytical, sometimes contradicting, and self procclaimed artist.

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Sunday, January 16, 2011


As I sit here in the middle of the night, it occurs to me how people slide down this slippery slope ... How they become hollow shells of themselves .... How eventually their lives become unrecognizable and intolerable. It's not sudden but subtle and each decision made beginning from the smallest decision made unhappily will lead to a little bigger one, then another one, then another and each one bigger than the last and eventually you wake up a stranger to yourself and the life you'd set out to live.

Having said that, it also is an important fact that happiness can often come from peace and goodwill with those you love, those who love you and those who surround you ( as they are not always one in the same ).

I've come to realize that the compromises I make begrudgingly are not truly compromises because I hold that resentment and negativity in me which as we all know can manifest itself in different ways in different people.

In order to truly compromise I must make a decision to do so, act accordingly, and let go of any expectation of that somehow everything will change again in my favor. Acceptance. That is a great fault of mine to have difficulty accepting. And hope ... Well hope is a deterrent of that fault hope that things will change towards the better ( or sometimes just my selfish way ) is something that I cannot so willingly let go of.

But I do sit in the dark hours as such and ponder a better way to do so.