Ha Zaa

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The Rants and Raves of a slightly neurotic, overly analytical, sometimes contradicting, and self procclaimed artist.

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Monday, March 8, 2010

Here we go

so I thought I'd sit here and sort of come into a topic as I type . . i have not come prepared with a theme, however I have come prepared to express myself and see this blog entry through . .

I am attending the Tim McGraw concert this evening with a few friends . . . very much looking forward to it . .have been rocking barbeque stain as my ringer for past few weeks . .

let's talk about perception - now we are taught, often, as therapists that perception is often more important than reality *when evaluating a dysfunctional communication pattern from an objective point of view* I think the key to avoiding this pattern in my personal life is . . well . . maybe being absolutely honest about how I take something, and putting out on the table all of my ridiculous feelings, however illogical they may sounds . . . saying things outloud is a catharsis I will never equal . . . I have high expectations, I feel threatened, I feel secure . . I feel overshadowed . . I feel unconsidered . . . and having an open, accepting medium to receive these vulnerable feelings . . that is a bond that I will never find anything to equal . . .

if you and I have share an experience together, then later as I retell the experience to our friends, you find yourself puzzled as you remember the experience completely differently . . what might that say . . . of course we all have our own realities . . but where do we find the balance between blatant delusions and schemas that we consistently manipulate reality to try to conform, and from cold hard absolution provided by evidential fact . . .

I'm sure someone more ancient said this, but I recently heard Khloe Kardashian say this on her reality show, 'well there's three sides to every story . . mine, yours and the truth . . '

I think I absolutely agree . . and however deviant we fall, we must understand those around us and those that we love for their perception mostly, and for their reality a little bit . . . because otherwise we will shake them silly for their lies . . . and they us . .

it's easier for me to say 'us' and 'they' . . . far more difficult to be this person alone . . however i do witness this almost daily . . this whole perceptive vs. reality conflict . . . some are more attuned than others . . but I do urge those that are on an insightful path, such as myself, to pay attention to why you'd skew details in your favor, or in someone's favor, or in any one specific direction . . what ego need does it fulfil . . often times i need an ego stroke, for which i'm sure i've done the same . . . however i do my best to maintain awareness . . though that doesnt' always happen of course . . .

as always - urging insight is not as effective as self growth from within and the drop of defensive barriers . . .

if you are closed to me . . and i share a part of me with you . . it will fall lifeless, bouncing off the brick . . . and your wall will push me away by simply doing nothing . . . defensiveness is that which requires action . . . in order to sustain, maintain and evolve a healthy and meaningful relationship . . my opinion and my experience of it . . to either tear down the wall, fix a window, or simply acknowledge the wall and work together to meet around it . . . pummeling it might come with time . .

however two walled-entities may have a perfectly functioning dysfunctional relationship together . . i guess the conflict arises as with have and have-nots collide, as they so commonly do . . .

blog out.